the love of your life

Happy NewYorkiversary to me! Nineteen years ago today, I moved to New York City to start a shiny new life, build my dream career, and find love. Not just any love. True love. The love of my life. I’d always had a Knowing that soul mates were real and I was determined to find mine. New York City was actually my first true love and the inspiration for my upcoming City Love trilogy. All these years later, I still feel the city love every single day.

Tribeca rooftop, New York City

Growing up across the water in New Jersey, I knew New York City was my true home. I could feel the pull of this magical kingdom even before my first visit. New York is a place where everyone is free to be exactly who they are. No more feeling like an outsider. No more feeling like I needed to escape. When I finally turned this big dream into reality, I knew my whole life would feel completely different in a way I’d always hoped it would. I practiced a lot of creative visualization: imagining my ideal life, writing out my goals, and taking steps every day to turn my dreams into reality. When you have a clear idea of what you’re looking for, it’s easier to recognize once you find it. And having that calm clarity allows the things you want to manifest.

Back in my teens and early 20s, I thought that once certain things changed in my life I would finally be happy. I really believed those things had to happen first before I could find happiness. These were some of the big ones:

  • When I get married, I will be happy.
  • When I find an apartment in the West Village, I will be happy.
  • When I finish paying off my student loans, I will be happy.
  • When I reach my fitness goals, I will be happy.
  • When my first book gets published, I will be happy.

But I was wrong. I had it backwards. It wasn’t that those things had to happen first and then I would be happy. I had to be happy first and then those things would happen. I had to build my own internal happiness, to love myself for exactly who I was, to allow those external things to happen. When you are at peace with yourself, you are able to attract the positive energy necessary to turn your dreams into reality.

When I  am happy, things will change.

Ever notice that negative people who are constantly complaining about their life never seem to get what they want? Negative energy attracts negative energy. You get what you give. If someone is spewing a lot of negative energy out into the Universe, that is exactly what they will get back. Being happy first is key to achieving your goals…and then your happiness grows even larger once those goals are achieved.

How can you be happy when there are so many goals you want to achieve? By appreciating what you do have instead of fixating on what you don’t. The decisions that you make earlier in life shape your future. Being the best version of yourself ensures that you are creating the best possible future for yourself and your loved ones. Being on your game as often as possible opens so many doors of opportunity for you. Everything from recommendations to internships/jobs to special favors someone in power decides to do for you because you are so sweet/awesome/intelligent. The possibilities are endless. Including the possibility of finding a soul mate.

I refused to settle for less than finding the love of my life. Even when people told me that I needed to settle if I ever wanted to get married because I was in my late 30s and this is New York City where the probability of a woman getting married over 40 is smaller than the probability of being struck by lightning while simultaneously having a piano dropped on your head. Even when people told me I was being unrealistic, that the total package didn’t exist, that true love was a myth, I had a Knowing that the love of my life was out there. I allowed myself to find him by never giving up.

How do you know when you’ve found the person you’re meant to be with? You have this feeling of clarity you’ve never had before. The feeling is undeniable. The feeling tells you the search is over. Of course there are more specific details that are evident to the whole world. One way you know you’ve found a soul mate? Is when you get each other the same holiday card. Like these adorable Papyrus cards my BF/soul mate and I got each other this Christmas:

Soul mate holiday cards

To clarify, finding the love of your life does not mean finding a perfect person. No one is perfect. It’s just that the love of your life is perfect for you. Soul mates have flaws just like the rest of us. The love of my life doesn’t rinse the dishes before he puts them in the dishwasher. He struggles to maintain the closet organization systems I have established at his place. Sometimes he doesn’t read emails carefully and misses important information. But so what? If I listed all of my flaws, there would not be any more room on WordPress for anyone to blog about anything else. So please don’t misinterpret “soul mate” to mean “perfect person.” Soul mates are real, just like anyone else.

You can find the love of your life. Love yourself first. Build your own happiness. And refuse to settle for less than what your heart desires. Your dreams deserve to become reality. You deserve as much happiness as your heart can hold.

Here’s to infinite possibilities in 2015!

 

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16 thoughts on “the love of your life

  1. I always love your super positive, motivating posts like these. They kick my butt by reminding me how to live my life the best way possible, because sometimes I lose sight of that.

    And as always, you are so totally right, as I’ve finally been my best self this past year and already I’ve graduated college, moved to North Carolina (my dream for the past 6 years), got a part-time job with the publisher Algonquin Books (another 6-year-old dream), and another part-time job with a popular indie bookstore in Chapel Hill. My dreams of working in publishing have come true. And it’ll only get better from here. Now there’s just that whole Soul Mate thing left…

    I am so happy your life is as—and hopefully more—wonderful as you’ve always dreamed. Keep rocking it and inspiring us all like you always do. Can’t wait for City Love!
    Xoxo

    • Tricia! I cannot tell you how immensely proud I am of you. You have totally turned your big dreams into reality. You are working it and owning it like a BOSS. You are an inspiration and a role model. And a beautiful signer as well 🙂

      Keep following your heart. You are shaping your future right now by being your best self. Naturally your soul mate is part of your destiny. I’m so excited for you! xoxo

  2. I was just wondering, how do you make goals if you don’t know what you want to end up with? It sounded like you knew what you wanted like living in the West Village and publishing a book. What if you don’t know what you want yet, how do you still put our that positive energy in the world, without any plans to what you wish to accomplish?

    • The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. When you are true to yourself, when you follow your heart, the next steps make themselves apparent. It’s totally cool not to know exactly what you want. A good technique for helping you identify goals you might want to pursue is to ask yourself what makes you happy. When have you been the happiest in your life? What were you doing? Who were you with? What kinds of things make you smile? Are there any activities you enjoy that could potentially translate into bigger goals?

      As for positive energy, you are in charge of the energy you radiate. Choosing to treat others with kindness and compassion, helping people in need through volunteer work or random acts of kindness, or even just smiling at someone who looks like they’re having a hard day are all ways you can put positive energy out into the world. Everything is connected. The more positive energy you emit, the more positive energy comes back to you. And in that way, what you want to do will become clear. What you are meant to do, even.

      You have the potential to accomplish amazing things. Making the world a better place in any small ways you can will help you get closer to identifying goals that will increase your happiness. For now, if you want to make goals they can be shorter term. Everything you’re doing now shapes your future. Even daily, weekly, and monthly goals add up to making a huge difference. Whatever you decide, stay true to yourself and follow your heart. Somewhere in there, your heart knows what it wants.

  3. You are such a huge inspiration. Reading your posts always makes me feel so inspired. You’re a beautiful light in the world.
    I’ve had a lot of people tell me I can’t do things and sometimes achieving my dreams seems so freaking hard. But there’s something about your words that makes me feel like I can do it. Here’s to a year of making things happen 🙂

    • I’m feeling much power in 2015 for you! Trust me, if I could break away from my past and create a shiny new life, you can TOTALLY achieve your goals.

      Turning our biggest dreams into reality is a hard, challenging journey. But reaching our goals is only possible if we never give up. And you are not a quitter!

      Keep your inspiration alive ❤

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