intensity vs. longevity

One of the concepts I’m exploring in my new book is whether a relationship can have both intensity and longevity. We all love the rush of those passionate first few months of a relationship (or if we haven’t experienced that intensity yet, we can imagine how awesome it is). But as anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship knows, that initial euphoria fades away after a while. I’ve been wondering if it’s possible to have an intense relationship that remains just as intense past those first few months, something I like to call “movie love.” In my experience, the more passionate a relationship is at first, the worse that person is for you.

This issue made me think about Serena and Dan vs. Blair and Chuck. Which couple (if any) are soul mates? It’s clear that Blair and Chuck have more fire, but are they better for each other than Serena and Dan because of it? Is it better to be with someone who cares about you and will always be there, or someone you’re so insanely passionate about that will most likely fizzle in the near future?

I asked these questions on Facebook yesterday. In my highly unscientific survey, everyone felt that Blair and Chuck are the more intense soul mates, while more people felt that Serena and Dan are better for each other. What do you think? Is movie love possible? Or does it only exist in movies?

18 thoughts on “intensity vs. longevity

  1. I love this question. Personally, I think every single persons love is different. Depending on who you are and your personality, you may want the intense firey “OMGIGOTTAHAVEYOU!!!” relationship that Blair and Chuck have, or you may want the safe, secure, dependable relationship. But I think to really be right for each other, you have to find a way to have a little bit of both for it to be The Relationship. And that boils down to having the Right Person, not the right type of relationship. Just my thoughts! :]

    • I totally agree. When the right person comes along, you just know. What’s interesting is that once you’re with the right person, some of your thoughts about what you thought your ideal relationship would be like can change. For example, when I was younger I thought I’d be married by now, but I’m not. It’s okay because I’m with the right person and that’s more important than our social status.

  2. i love this topic! its pretty interesting. this might be a stupid question but who are these blair and chuck? serena and dan? are they characters from your new book? and I think movie love is possible with the right couple. It all depends on the people and the love they have for each other. At least, thats my opinion.

  3. Actually, if you believe the research it’s not possible to maintain what you call movie love. Passionate love triggers the addiction centers in the brain and the body develops a tolerance for the hormones/chemicals that dump.
    You’ll have to read my forthcoming novel to learn all about it, Susane. It’s one of the questions I tackle! June 2010 unless you’re friends with the author!

    • Wow, I am friends with the author, so maybe I can score a galley? That sounds like a sweet read! I do know about the biology of love and, sadly, you are correct. The initial high is destined to wear off – we’d all be crazy if it didn’t. Even so, it’s still fun to dream.

  4. Before responding to this, I first had to google who Dan and Serena were, and Blair and Chuck. I reconized them right away, they’re from Gossip Girl, which I guess I should watch considering i’m fifteen,& a couple of my friends watch the show.(sometimes I fail at being a teenager, lmfao. I tried to get into Gossip Girl, but i kept forgetting it was on tv, and now i’m rambling.)But, i understand what you’re saying, a short fun relationship, like a summer fling, or a longer, meaningful, deep relationship, that may have its boring spots, right? Something like that. Movie love only exists if you truly believe, or want it to. Movie love in the end(if it’s a happy ending), is like, perfect. Because there is a writer controlling the ending. Real love is unpredictable, and can take you who knows where. For me personally, i think i would want a long term relationship, thing. Because it’s nice to have someone to depend on, and know you have someone looking out for you. Yes, you can find that in a fling-y relationship, but those don’t last too long. Also, sometimes a firey, fun relationship, may hurt more when it is over. But, i have zero experience, haha 🙂

    • Well, for someone with limited experience, you sure know a lot! You make a good point about real love being unpredictable. We can never find everything we’re looking for in one person, and things inevitably happen that we don’t like. But if you’re with someone who truly cares about you, I think it more than makes up for that initial excitement fading. Plus, you’ll always have the memories…

  5. Very interesting topic indeed. Lots of people dream of the passion that comes from having an intense relationship, but I personally don’t think those types of relationships are healthy, for anyone. I’ve noticed lately that movies and television have tried to romanticize those types of relationships, but in the end someone will end up hurt. Trust, respect, and dependibility. Those are traits that a real, lasting relationship are based on. But, it is also important to be physically attracted to your significant other.

  6. My opinion
    I think Serena and Dan are better for each other.
    It’s always better to have that ‘my soulmate is my best friend, too’ type relationship, you know? That way you know that no matter what, that person is going to stick around and be there for you whenever you should need them.

  7. Gosh….thisis hard. I think movie love is real, but very rare. Like you said, most passionate relationships end when the passion inevitably fades away. However, if there’s that one rare couple who do care for each other after all that initial passion dies away, then the better for them. I think it’s really rare, but nothing’s imposssibile.

  8. UR AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!
    the first book i read from u it was called
    When i read it i was sooooo in love with it and i cant wait to read more i am soooo OBSSESSD with ur boookkkkksssss
    Email me at


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